After our latest trip to South Africa and Ethiopia, my husband and I have KIND OF been thinking of adoption. Kind of. Maybe. A little.
I read an article awhile back written by a child who was adopted who was against adoption (as it is run now) and I thought they had some very valid arguments. Then, while we were in South Africa, one of the women I met had a child whom she gave up for a time because she knew she couldn't take care of the child. I believe that she thought it was for awhile, until she could get back on her feet and the child was with a woman she trusted. Then, some people came to the woman and said that they wanted to adopt the child and had her sign some paperwork. The woman now wants her child back and we realized that the paperwork is probably illegal.
My fear of adoption is that I will be taking a child from a family that will eventually decide they want their child back. I've been e-mailing with Holt International and they said that all children in China are abandoned since you can't relinquish a child there and that China is on one end of the adoption spectrum and Ethiopia is on the other, where it's mainly children who have been relinquished and where you'd see the birth parents in court.
My fear is that I'm being selfish in taking this child away from its family, even if the family put them up for adoption.
Am I making sense? Does that even make sense or am I just a bit off balance?
I've been really rolling it over in my mind and in my heart and praying about it...but I think I just needed to write it down.
I totally see your point, in all honesty I've never seen adoption in that light!!!
ReplyDeleteI just got married, so I haven't been in the works of adopting (I hope to one day though!)
My thing is, I want to adopt a little girl from Asia (preferably Thailand) the sex trade is TERRIBLE there. The men believe the more virgin girls you sleep with the more successful and wealthier you will become!!! So girls are taken as toddlers into the brothels and just sold away to sex slavery.
I want to either A. Save a girl from having to go through that at all or B. Save a girl from being in there and raise her in a safe Christian home.
For me, I don't think that would be selfish because I would be giving her a much better life than what she would succumb to over there.
You are making so much sense! In fact, is is more than sense.. it is great humanity you show, understanding, and compassion.
ReplyDeletePlease consider reading more form adoptees like the one you did listen to and also, form the mothers who relinquished. Only then can you trully understand the industry that you woulod suport.
And.. thank you.. for not dismissing the adoptee as angry and wrong... we get that alot!
Your concerns are very valid and it is admirable of you because far too many people do not consider these issues. it is unfair for the families who want their children and to the children. The real experts whose voices we must really hear are those who were adopted, especially those adopted transnationally and interracially. Many adult Korean adoptees are speaking out.
ReplyDeleteHere is more food for thought and some further resources.
When you hear of million of orphans, remember that 90% of children in orphanages worldwide are not orphans but have a least one living parent who usually visit and hope to be reunited, as was the case with both children adopted by Madonna. They are counted as orphans when they are actually "half orphans" - having just one deceased parent. People in impoverished nations use orphanages for temporary care and medical treatments they cnanot otherwise afford. In many parts of the world they have no comprehension of the permanence of American adoption and often they are coerced and lied to and told that their children are coming to the U.S. for an education and will be returned, or that is what they believe and understand is happening.
Because of high demand for healthy, young children to adopt, child trafficking is rampant. Too often when people adopt even through the most reputable agencies that agency might - even unknowingly - wind up with a child who was taken by child traffickers and sold to an orphanage.
MUST SEE VIDEO Newscast: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6o3F2neW6o&feature=digest
Suggested readings:
Duped by Indian adoption agency, US family cautions couples
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics/nation/Duped-by-Indian-adoption-agency-US-family-cautions-couples/articleshow/5964751.cms
Read also: The Lie We Love by E.J.Graff
www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2008/10/.../the_lie_we_love
If you want to help children consider donating to organizations such as SOS Children's Fund, or Save the Children. These orgs help children AND their families, instead of taking children one by one and leaving their family in the same dire straights.
Mirah Riben, author, The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
I do want to adopt one day, but you're right to do your homework. Not all adoption agencies are the same. I think it's a great way to take care of orphans, but adoption agencies that exploit down-and-out families should not be tolerated. Definitely something to walk in to with open eyes...but not something to avoid entirely as there ARE children who are suffering, here and abroad.
ReplyDelete