Tuesday, April 27, 2010

So many pictures...

And so little time. I keep forgetting to post them! I want to post my GOOD panda bread and I made little domo marshmallows that look kind of like this...

But not that nice.

And I need to pack! Cause I get to visit Vashti soon and I'm SO freaking excited! I packed a bunch of stuff to bring with, but no clothes. And I don't think Vashti would want to see me naked. So I should pack some clothes.

Otherwise, I'm just finding my path and finding my voice and singing praises and Sara Groves and FAR too much Lady Gaga. :)

So, until I stop being lazy and post some pictures...

Thursday, April 22, 2010


I've had a few people recommend a blog and I've read it. And every time I read it, I agree...and yet I feel like I'm drowning, like I've been thrown in the deep end with a small understanding of swimming:


It is discussing giving up everything for Jesus. And I understand that. And I feel I am working towards that. But then I start to panic.

Am I doing it right? Do I need to sell everything I own and move to a foreign country? Do I need to leave my husband, even though I promised God I would be faithful to him always? What is 'everything'? What if my husband doesn't want to do all of this? Is it enough to give as much money as we can to these things until God calls me to something specific? Maybe this is a resting time, but what if it's not?

And I start to hyperventilate and I start to cry and I think, God, what am I doing wrong? Am I doing this all on my own understanding?

And I have to shout to the Lord to save me, like Peter called out to Jesus after a few steps on the water.

I've actually made myself physically ill. How ridiculous am I?

I have to remember Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has made everything beautiful in its time." I need to remember that my time will come and that it may not be what I have been expecting.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I Know The Plans I Have For You...

Today has been awful. AWFUL. I stepped out of the office and cried for 5 minutes on my husband. Those heaving sobs that you have when you just don't know what else to do.

And I came home and found that a girl I hadn't talked to in 6 years, who had visited New York City just a few months ago and who we took out to dinner, and her husband donated to St. Baldricks and told me that I was a beautiful woman of God.

Can I tell you that I was asking God to be closer to me at dinner? That I wanted to hear His voice?

I know the plans I have for you...

Good night.

Monday, April 19, 2010

A New Niece!!

Just found out that the little baby coming in August is a baby girl!! Another niece!! I'm so excited!! I'm going shopping soon :)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Am I Good Enough?

I have always had an inferiority complex. And when you read John 3:16, 'That God so LOVED the WORLD...' I don't really include myself in that. You don't ever really think...that's ME. He loved ME so much. Sometimes I do. Especially after reading 'Tattoos On The Heart.'

Yesterday was a bad day. And I was not nice. Today is a new day and I'm trying to open my heart with compassion.

But I still have these problems thinking that I'm not good enough.

I keep reading devotionals and passages that God disciplines His children and shapes them like a father who always wants to make their child better. But I feel like God would have to discipline me within an inch of my life for me to actually GET IT. And I keep thinking...my life isn't that bad, there are much worse things. Does God not want to shape me?

I think, well, I don't really want bad things to happen (hell, who does?) but if it means He's shaping me, then I could handle it. But maybe He knows that I couldn't. And maybe He's waiting and maybe He's still guiding me along, but I still just keep thinking...Am I good enough?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Nothing To Say

It's not that I have NOTHING at all to say, but very little. Life is rolling along and I'm very blessed. The most exciting thing is that our cat slept beside me in bed last night. :) Fine by me! OH and like 24 days until South Africa. YES!!! I'm ready to be there. Really excited!

I've got about $400 of my goal so far for St. Baldricks. It only says $325 on the site, but I've made it a bit higher with bake sales at work. My bacon chocolate chip cookies were pretty popular. :-D

If you'd like to learn more about St. Baldricks or donate, please just visit this link:

I hope that you are having a great week and that you are counting all of your blessings!!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Tattoos On The Heart

I love to read. I really do, I just don't always get the chance since Steve and I ride the trains together and I prefer to talk to him when he's around.

But I read a book in about two days. 210 pages in 2 days! Yes, it is that good.

Tattoos On The Heart is about Homeboy Industries. When I started reading it, I realized that I actually had heard of it before! Homeboy Industries helps to employ gang members who wish to make a positive change in their lives. It was started by a priest (Gregory Boyle) in 1985. AND it was on T.I.'s 'Road To Redemption' show that aired on MTV. That was how I'd heard of it.

This book is absolutely amazing. It is about how God doesn't see any of us to be less than anyone else. How God has a boundless compassion and love for all of His children and that no amount of mistakes that we make will ever make Him stop calling us. It's about how he's buried so many children because of gang violence and how they've changed G's life. :)

If you're at all interested, I'd recommend this book for everyone, you can check it out on Amazon:

Thursday, April 8, 2010

I Just Showed Up For My Own Life

I don't know if I'm there yet, but I think I've almost found my own life. :) I can't talk about it yet, but hopefully some day. Like in November. :) But for now...

(If you'd like to hear the song, please click this link. You can watch the trailer for her show Nomad or listen to the song:

Spending my time sleep walking
Moving my mouth but not saying a thing
Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in
I was in love with an idea
Preoccupied with how a life should appear
Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in the shiny veneer

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place
Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed
I'm going to feel all my emotions
I'm going to look you in the eyes
I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Oh the glory of God is man fully alive
Oh the glory of God is man fully alive

There are so many ways to hide
There are so many ways not to feel
There are so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life
And I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

Monday, April 5, 2010

Faith Like A Child

I'm a sucker for kids. Like you wouldn't believe. And because I always look at Baby Be Blessed's Give A Blessings, I always have more kids to read about.

And then I was reading this blog entry by Lori at Livin' In A Fishbowl. If you want to read about their contested adoption (and I think it would be a good idea, yes), I think she would appreciate it.

And this was what she wrote and what her son prayed for:

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for today. Thank you for this chicken and this tay-toe and this salad and this bread. Thank you that we went to the store. Thank you for me to feel better. Thank you for mommy to get better. Thank you that we go to California sometime soon. And amen.

I absolutely adore that he presents his requests as praises. I know that it's just the way his vocabulary still gets a little jumbled on account of the short three years of life. But, when he does it, it reminds me to have faith like a child. See, it seems like he just knows that God is a God of answered prayers. It's as though he's praising God in advance for what he knows he can do. It's precious. It's inspiring.

Oh much do you love that? I certainly do. And I've been taking a page from the Rock Star's book. So I've been thanking God for helping out Vashti and Rita even if it feels so far away and I've been thanking God for the people who have been blessing me and my goal to raise money for St. Baldricks. It's so funny that the people I least expect to hear from have donated to me. But isn't that what God is about? Using the thing we LEAST expected.

I hope that your faith is light today and like a child's.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Christ is Risen!

Christ is risen indeed! Alleluia!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom

32Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed. 33When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."[e] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

35The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, "He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One."

36The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37and said, "If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself."

38There was a written notice above him, which read:|sc THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

39One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!"

40But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? 41We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."

42Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[f]"

43Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

Luke 23: 32-43