I've had a few people recommend a blog and I've read it. And every time I read it, I agree...and yet I feel like I'm drowning, like I've been thrown in the deep end with a small understanding of swimming:
It is discussing giving up everything for Jesus. And I understand that. And I feel I am working towards that. But then I start to panic.
Am I doing it right? Do I need to sell everything I own and move to a foreign country? Do I need to leave my husband, even though I promised God I would be faithful to him always? What is 'everything'? What if my husband doesn't want to do all of this? Is it enough to give as much money as we can to these things until God calls me to something specific? Maybe this is a resting time, but what if it's not?
And I start to hyperventilate and I start to cry and I think, God, what am I doing wrong? Am I doing this all on my own understanding?
And I have to shout to the Lord to save me, like Peter called out to Jesus after a few steps on the water.
I've actually made myself physically ill. How ridiculous am I?
I have to remember Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has made everything beautiful in its time." I need to remember that my time will come and that it may not be what I have been expecting.