Friday, March 5, 2010

Insecurity

I am not fat.

At least, I wouldn't tell you that I was. But when I look in the mirror or just feel my skin or see that number on the scale...all I'm thinking is...

FAT FAT FAT FATFATFAT!!!

We all have those stories, you know? My 'first' boyfriend (though I don't really count him anymore) broke up with me by calling me a 'fat tub of lard.' He then got the entire baseball team to laugh at me and call me a 'beached whale.'

And so my husband can say that I'm beautiful all he wants, and I must admit that I DO believe him sometimes, but there are times when I'm thinking...'You are totally just trying to flatter me.'

I think I do that with God sometimes. He says 'I love you' and I think, 'Yeah, I don't think you could love me.' And I would ask, 'Why would you love me?' And I could hear Him say, 'Does there have to be a reason? I love you because I made you.'

I get so frustrated sometimes with my husband. I tell him that I'm fat and he always says, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' YOU didn't hear them telling you that. YOU didn't have to be laughed at by everyone.

But Jesus had it so much worse. Understatement of the year.

I just need to leave it at the cross and let Jesus take it up and just KNOW that God loves me, 5 pounds heavier or 5 pounds lighter.

4 comments:

  1. AMEN Girlfriend...we just need to leave it at the feet of JESUS!!
    Blessings, andrea

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  2. I had a guy (not a boyfriend b/c no one wanted to date me b/c I was chubby and smart and had braces and glasses) in middle school who called me a fat ass. He was mad b/c the teacher asked me to do something that let me get out of class. But I didn't even hear it from him. Another kid in our class was like "Greg called you a fat ass!" Like, "Whatcha gonna do now?" I just looked at him and said, "Okay...??" Greg had severe jock itch or something. How can I take someone seriously when they constantly have their hand down their pants IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS AND THE TEACHER CALLS THEM OUT ON IT??

    Anyway, I feel your pain. I also had a girl in 5th grade turn against me and make fun of me for things that I wore or did. Another girl told me that this girl was just jealous of me but it started up on the day that I wore this really cute dress to school (it was from The Limited!! In 5th grade!!) and I was so excited to be wearing something fashionable and I got made fun of for it.

    It totally sucks and it totally hurts but as Eleanor Roosevelt said (paraphrased): the only person who can bring you down is yourself. These people want you to feel insecure because they are insecure. So bring yourself back up Danae cuz you're awesome just the way God made you! :) He don't make no mistakes! [okay, well, maybe in the old testament he thought he did, which is why he wiped out entire populations BUT... I think he's been over that for some time now. :)]

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  3. I'm so glad that God loves us whether we weigh 100 or 500 pounds!

    Seriously, I look at all your fabulous cupcakes, and I wonder...if I made glorious cupcakes like that, would I weigh even more than I do now? Yes, no doubt about it. Thank God I don't gain weight just from looking at those beautiful sugar works of art!

    And hey, I love you, fat or skinny...

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