Day 4: Together

Since this is tax season, my husband isn't home often.  But Fridays, he's allowed to leave around the same time I do (which makes me happy!).  My husband was a good sport and said that he'd do my rice day with me (though he's now eating a Crumbs cupcake) so I decided to make little rice hearts for my picture today since we're doing this together.  The seasoning that I put on top of the hearts is nanami togarashi, a chili pepper seasoning that I get in Japanese restaurants.

Like these little hearts, my heart goes out to Japan and the Japanese people.  I visited Japan when I was 16, with the idea that I may be moving there.  It was my first trip out of the country and we have some amazing stories from there.  I remember a woman asking if I was my brother's MOTHER (I was sixteen at the time and my brother was six) when we were in the subway.  When my mother said that not only was Max her son, but I was also her child she said, "Oh no, you are so young!"  And when my brother, sister and I went spinning around and around a revolving door (yeah, we REALLY didn't travel until we were older and were very amused by the little things) a man walked by, covering his face as he laughed at us, trying not to embarrass my parents.

Please pray for this special and unique land and it's people.  If you feel that God has called you to donate, there are many very good and respectable places:
Mercy Corps is in contact with their Japanese partner Peace Wind Japan, which will help use your money faster.
ELCA Disaster Response will use 100% of the money donated to help the people of Japan in this time of need.

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Here's what I learned today:

Have you ever played Free Rice?  My friend actually uses it in the classroom to teach her kids both about vocabulary and world hunger.

 (From Free Rice's Website)

You can change it to languages and it's been helping me remember my French vocabulary.

Free Rice has been advertising another website called WeFeedback.

Here's how it works:
It's easy: You choose your favorite food, put it into the Feedback Calculator along with the estimated cost, and then calculate how many hungry children this would feed. The next step is to donate exactly that amount. Or, if you want, you donate multiples of that amount. In this way you feedback more portions of your favorite food. (From WeFeedback's website)

So I thought I'd check out the calculator with one of my favorite foods - sushi:

Their calculator has sushi as a suggestion, so I clicked on that.  For me, it's easy to get $30 in sushi for just me!

Here's what the calculator told me:

(From WeFeedback's Website)

Whoa!  My $30 could feed 120 children.  120 CHILDREN!!  It really puts things back in perspective.

Makes me re-think the designer milk I was thinking about getting this weekend.

What's Wrong With 'Forever'?

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

I grew up in church, but church was something we did on Sunday. Then, I got really involved in the church and loved it. But the adults at my church kind of ruined it. I didn't go to church then for a few years. I found a service I loved after a few years in college. Then I moved away. We went to at least 4 churches in Manhattan and in Jersey City. We had some good experiences, but it never felt like home. Then we found the church that we're at now and it feels like family.

But I still have moments of doubt. It's never over anything big - it's always the small things that grab me and it's almost always at night. Just small questions about faith and about the nature of Jesus. About the nature of God. What Heaven is like. Does it really have to be all white? What did Jesus look like and why can't I picture him other than being really clean, white, and handsome?

Then I start to feel REALLY guilty. REALLY guilty. What if all my questions have upset God? What am I doing?! Then I start to think about the concept of 'forever' and that's it, I can't sleep. I was that one kid in class that, when we read 'Tuck Everlasting' about living forever, I was the one that wanted to die. The concept of 'forever' horrifies me. What could you do with all that time?!

Have you ever read Donald Miller? He really helps me grapple with some of my questions. And I always stumble upon things when I need to. I read something once that Jesus was one of three things: He was either a liar, a lunatic, or the Lord. And that Heaven isn't a white puffy cloud that we all just play harps on, but a place where we feel so much love we could just burst. Where we feel complete. Not fat, not ugly, not tired, not stressed, not pained. And I read these things and they bring me to tears and I know it's true...

And then I start back at the beginning. And it frustrates me.

But I guess that's how it works, right?

We work on being God's masterpiece and some things...He's able to chip that away really quickly, but other pieces...other pieces he goes to paint, to finish that brush stroke, but I keep trying to dry the paint before it gets to me.

I just need to let Him paint me in the way He wants to.

My TOMS Entry

Define love.

That was a question my high school sociology teacher posed to me and my class.

We tried to tell him it was a feeling, something indefinable. That it was between a man and a woman or a mother and a child. Something intangible and beyond our grasp.

He never accepted one of our answers.

I've never been to the Valley of 1,000 Hills, but I know of it. I sponsor two children there – a 5-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl. I've shipped boxes of clothes (and sure, sometimes cookies) and prayed that one day I could ship myself so I could see these children who I call "my kids". I wait for pictures and letters and can feel the tears forming in my eyes when I get a smile from somewhere far, far away from children I am not sure I will ever meet.

What I feel for them is not intangible. I can feel it pulse through my body. I want to know that they’re going to be okay, that they’ll be taken care of. I think about them and pray for them and want to do all I can to love them. I can’t look at the faces of these children without falling head-over-heels.

And I’ve taken the first step. I can give them my money, but they deserve more than that. Love is something more than talking, it’s something you do. I want love that is more than just giving money. I want to give with my hands and from my heart.

If I could talk to my teacher now, I think I would have a different answer.

Love is a verb and I want to live it.

Friend-Makin' Mondays

I love All That is Good on Mondays (well, all the time, but ESPECIALLY Mondays) because it's Friend-Makin' Mondays!!!

The question for today.

How did you and your significant other meet? and if you don't have a significant other at the moment then what would be your dream way to meet him?

So, I was 14 and he was 15.  (Awhile ago, right?)  He was a drummer and I was a trombone player at that time.  I was friends with his sister and...the first memory I have of him is nearly sitting on his lap because his friend was dropping me and my friend off at that girl's house.  Later that night, in true teenager-fashion, I threw water on him (not THAT much, but a little) and then went to his house for the band bonfire.  They dared me to kiss him, but...come on!!  I'd never kissed anyone before!!  So I kissed him on the cheek and he ran away.  I tried to find him, but I couldn't.  When he came out of the shadows (he was hiding behind his house), we talked for the rest of the night.  His dad asked who this girl was he was talking to and we ended up talking to me the next day on AIM.  He came with me to TubaChristmas and we've been together since!!!  We just celebrated our second year of marriage and this year, we'll have been together for 10 years.  

We've been through so much together.  I don't know what I'd do without him.  Who else would watch Spongebob with me?  Or play Scrabble?  Or wrestle me when I'm feeling ridiculous?  Who else would indulge my fantasies to move to Australia or to go to South Africa for fun?!  God has truly, TRULY blessed me with him.  :)

Waking Up

I woke up this morning to our bank account in negative numbers. I'm feeling gross and kind of pudgy today. But I don't really care. I'm still in a good mood. God has been doing such good things that I haven't been paying attention to! So I'm going to try and pay more attention. But I'm like a kid in a candy store, so we'll see how that goes. :-D

I'm doing lots of baking this weekend and I'm hoping to make a CORNISH pasty!! I bought a turnip in our last grocery lot. But before that...

Steve and I are celebrating our second wedding anniversary this weekend (it's on Tuesday) and this year, we've been together for 10 years.

When we started "dating" when I was 14, I never thought I'd have such a wonderful husband in my future. We've been together through so much, from world-wide moves to suicide attempts to graduations and weddings. We've grown so much. I can't imagine someone that I'd rather quote movie lines with, travel the world with, and sleep beside every night. He actually listens to my insanity and considers it IMPORTANT. I thought only God would be willing to do that! I don't always say how much I love him to other people, but I don't know what life would be like without him anymore.

So in honor of that, I thought I'd post some pictures of my handsome, loving, wonderful husband

Hong Kong

Yes, I did convince him to jump off a building for me! Macau

Oahu, Hawaii

Ha! I think I'm 16 in this picture.

New York City

We have an affinity for mustaches

I love you, Steve!!

Feeling Fat

I may as well have an eating disorder. I've been pretty close to one my whole life.

Ever since I was young, every time I ate, I could feel my thighs expanding and I start to freak out. Not just with cake, but with EVERYTHING. But yeah...we're supposed to eat. Pretty sure about that.

I try to tell myself, 'God loves you, even when your thighs touch. When you get to heaven and have to stand before Him, He's not going to say 'Well, your butt jiggles when you walk so...off you go!' '

But I still freak out. It makes me feel ridiculous. I'm between 148 and 149, which is just on the cusp of being "overweight". I guess. I'm still at normal. I just need to be better about my eating and blah blah blah. Which is freaking hard. Steve eats all. the. time. He eats and he loses weight. Drives me NUTS.

It'll be okay. God loves me the way I am. I just need to love me the way I am.

Love Versus Pity?

I'm trying to figure out love versus pity. When someone is in a bad situation and you don't entirely know what to do to help, can you love them without pitying them? Is it bad to pity? Can the two emotions live in the same situation?