Thursday, October 1, 2009
If You Want My Body...
Have you heard of Lizzi Miller? She's a plus-sized model and she posed (almost) nude in Glamour. I know this was awhile ago, but I was just thinking of it now. I think she's beautiful!!! Absolutely stunning. Half the comments under the blog involved things like, 'gross!' But I think she's beautiful.
I have almost no self-esteem when it comes to my body. None. NONE. And I never really remember having any sort of self-esteem. I pretty much self-perpetuate it too. Because I feel 'fat,' I don't do my hair, my make-up, blah blah blah. I feel awkward in clothes that hug my body and I feel funny when I show off too much skin.
I haven't worn shorts in over 7 years.
My husband tells me time and time again: 'You are not fat. What are you talking about?' He said to me last night, 'You don't know what 'fat' is. Because you think 'thin' means you're a bean pole.' He's right though. I am obsessed with this idea that I shouldn't jiggle anywhere.
I've tried to get over it. I've told myself that God loves me no matter what. In college, I had a mantra that I would say when I went to bed and woke up. 'It's not the size of my jeans that matter, but the size of my heart.' But I still can't get over looking at myself in the mirror and seeing that little jiggle, that cellulite or watching the numbers creep up on the scale.
Do you ever feel like that? UGH! I hate it. Because there are worse things in the world then the size of my butt.