Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It's Just Money

...but that doesn't mean that I'm not on the verge of tears.

Our bed bug issue is somewhat all-consuming and is definitely putting a huge damper on my mood this week. And it's all becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy as my work week is getting worse and worse too.

Our couch will be wrapped for 3 months. We can't hang our clothes in the closets for 3 months. A small thank you to God that we will barely be in our apartment in December.

And it is going to cost us over half of our savings. And more then what we pay in rent, which, in New York, is probably twice what a good amount of my friends pay in mortgages and I know it's more than my in-laws pay for their 3-bedroom house in Ohio.

I know that God provides. Maybe this is the parable of the Rich Fool. I JUST read it a few weeks after we had a sermon about where we put our money and about the young rich man and the camel/needle thing, you know? And then the rich fool about building his barns. I was reading something and someone asked, 'Well, how narrow IS the gate' since the path is narrow and few enter? Well, now that our money is going to the exterminator, I guess we don't have to worry as much about that...

But God, why can't I be giving this money to You? Or to children in Africa? Or something else that ISN'T a nasty infestation in our apartment that our landlord isn't taking care of? But maybe that's because I wouldn't have done any of those things with that money anyway. It would just sit there. Partly because I want it to. Partly because my husband wants it to.

Where your treasure is...

Growing up, we actually had very similar family situations. It was about the time of 10 where it began to diverge.

I will say up front, that I have never known my family's finances. Ever. My parents were always of the idea that it was not our business and we just needed to know that we were provided for. My parents were married while my father was still in college and my mother was pregnant almost immediately (with me!). I don't remember the days where my family didn't buy groceries so they could pay rent or when we only got one present from Santa or my father driving a car that literally would fall apart. Those things all changed for me when I was 10. My father was sent to Poland to check Timken's plant there (anyone from Northeast Ohio here? You know Timken!!) since he was Timken's main accountant. To make a long story short, he ended up with an international position in his job. He worked very hard for what he has and deserves everything he's received and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Steve's mom will tell us how poor her family was growing up. And though Steve's family isn't poor, I think most of you know how ridiculously underpaid teachers are. His mother is a teacher and she fears that she will be laid off or forced out of her job because she's hit the pay ceiling and everyone wants to get cheaper, newer people in the work force. Steve's dad is a copier salesman and you know how retail is too.

But I'm sorry. Now I'm diverging. It's just that I know that my husband is always afraid that there won't be enough to pay bills. That there won't be enough in general.

And I...

Well, I've always kind of considered it our adoption fund. I want to adopt internationally. I don't know why. It's always been in my heart, I guess. I never thought that a child had to come from my womb to be mine and I always tried to voice that when people would look at me funny about it (I grew up in Ohio. I know that people adopt in Ohio, but I did get some funny looks when it was brought up). Every child deserves love. And as of late...I don't know. Maybe I DO want a baby. I'm still clueless. And I kind of want to move out of NYC before anything like that happens. But...I guess I get a little sad when money comes out of that fund.

Oh well.

It's just money, right?


  1. It IS just money and we don't have any idea what the problems we face today will have on the big picture of tomorrow. God sees all and knows all.

    I still can't get over what it takes to get rid of bedbugs!! I would think letting off a few bombs would solve the problem but I am grossly wrong. How terrible!

  2. It is just money. I think it is a blessing you have enough to get by and take care of this problem! I'm sorry that it is something you have to deal with, but it could be worse (I'm not trying to make your situation sound less severe, it is just how I would be trying to put things in perspective for myself).

    I think for all women there is always the "what if" when it comes to having children. It is hard to accept anything that takes that option away or diminishes our possibilities. That door isn't closed for you, though! It will get better, just a few months, right?

  3. you know what? I love you. God is totally going to provide for this because you guys have bee such a blessing to us, the kids, and steve and James. I KNOW that He is going to bless you right back.
    I love you and appreciate you more than you will ever know.
    Just dont stress, have faith and watch what He will do.
    (and I step back off my soap box!)
    love you.

  4. I am so sorry :(

    I have always thought that people who say "its only money" arent the ones figuring out how to pay for that night's dinner. BUT I know what you mean :) It is amazing how not having the money that you need can mess with your head and occupy ALL your thoughts even scaring away dreams for the future...hang in there!! God is soooo much bigger than all of this. That I can promise :)